GRETCHEN  BARRETTO:  UNCENSORED

MANILA, APRIL 9, 2006 (STAR) CONVERSATIONS With Ricky Lo - Goddess on Earth.

That’s how the latest (sixth-anniversary) issue of Yes! magazine describes Gretchen Barretto (and fellow cover girl Lucy Torres-Gomez).

Because these days she exudes a positive aura, in stark contrast to her previous "fighting stance," Gretchen might as well also be called the Goddess of Equanimity. She has been in an upbeat mood, never mind if these past few weeks she again found herself in the eye of a storm that brewed prior to the wedding of her estranged younger sister Claudine Barretto (to Raymart Santiago) last March 27 at the Tagaytay Highlands, Tagaytay City. She was the only member of the family absent from that memorable occasion.

Gretchen baffles showbiz-watchers with her all-smiles presence in showbiz affairs, including the sixth-anniversary bash for Yes! magazine and at the UNICEF office to accompany her friend Ruffa Gutierrez in the turnover of money raised by Ruffa during a "bazaar event" for the benefit of the Leyte landslide victims.

Her public omnipresence has set off a new guessing game: Is Gretchen deliberately making her presence felt to, well, steal the thunder from Claudine? What is she up to? What surprises, if any, is she planning to spring on a public closely monitoring her every move?

"Really now," laughed Gretchen during an exclusive Conversation conducted at a suite of The Peninsula Manila (courtesy of the hotel’s PR manager Mariano Garchitorena), "how come people are so interested in what I’m doing when the country is facing so many problems?"

Because she is hot copy. As simple as that. She makes news even without meaning nor intending to, such as when she changed her answer from "yes" to "no" to her comeback movie with Bong Revilla (once romantically linked to her).

Before the Conversation, Gretchen made sure that her daughter Dominique was safely in school. After the Conversation, she rushed back to the school to fetch Dominique. In-between her activities as hands-on mother and wife (to Tonyboy Cojuangco), Gretchen manages to hit the gym.

In the following "uncensored" Conversation, Gretchen talks about everything most everybody has been wanting to hear from her.

You are so visible and so audible these days. Is it, well, "programmed"? What are you up to?

"Just coincidence. There are so many affairs in showbiz and I get invited. As I’ve been saying, I won’t disappear from the scene, whether or not I have a movie, because I love this industry, I love the movie world and I will be part of it as long as I live, until the day I die."

How do you keep so fit and stay so beautiful?

"I exercise a lot. I do boxing. I’ve stopped doing Muay Thai because I get easily bruised. I have very sensitive skin. I run and do a lot of other exercises... Four times a week."

What about diet?

"I don’t eat anything white – white rice, white bread. I eat more fish."

You look so calm these days; you radiate a very positive aura which becomes you.

"You know, they say that after a storm you look calm. You look cool after going through something painful which can either make you a worse or a better person. I’m a better person because of all the storms in my life."

Storms like, well, your dragging "war" with your mom (Inday Barretto) and sisters Claudine and Marjorie.

"I must say that I learned a lot of lessons from that painful experience – you know, to get hold of yourself and not to let your emotions get the better of you. Otherwise, when you are mad and you say something, you might regret it later. Also, it’s good to surround yourself with ‘positive’ people who can give you (pieces of) good advice. When you’re angry with somebody, think of the good things the person has done to you at makakalimutan mo ang galit mo. As I’ve said, I learned my lessons and I hope that they have learned theirs, too."

You’re known (notorious?) for being truthful, to the point of being brutally frank. Do you always have to tell the truth and nothing but no matter who gets hurt?

"You know, some people sometimes point at me and say, ‘It’s your fault because you’ve told the truth; kasalanan mo dahil sinabi mo ‘yung katotohanan.’ If you do something wrong and I tell you, am I to blame? It’s the consequence of your actions that puts you into trouble."

You mean you don’t regret anything "truthful" that you’ve ever said and done, no matter who got hurt?

"No, I don’t regret anything because, as I’ve said, I learned a lot of lessons, marami akong natutuhan. Maganda ang naging ending."

Okay. I’ll be specific. First, the issue between you and Tonyboy’s mom, Imelda Cojuangco. How are things between the two of you?

"You know, I’ve never revealed it to the media but all’s well between Tony and his mom, between me and Tony’s mom, and between Dominique and Tony’s mom. It’s not important how we ironed things out. What matters is that everything is okay now, ayos na ang lahat. Tony is very happy now. I can honestly say with all my heart that my anger is gone, wala na akong galit."

Nice to hear that. What about the issue between you and the other Barrettos? Have you started sorting things out?

"I’m not ready to talk more about it. We need to sit down and lay our cards on the table. Kailangan ilabas namin kung ano man ang nararamdaman namin sa isa’t-isa. But I’m not about to go into that issue. By the way, you know what other lesson have I learned from all this? To say no. Before, I didn’t know how to say no and I got into a lot of trouble. I guess I’m happier now because I’ve learned to say no. I realized that you can have your way without fighting. So if I’m not comfortable with something and I have to say no, I say no."

Sorry to insist but we have to clear some nagging issues once and for all. I’ll go straight to the point: How are you and Claudine?

"I can’t say we are totally okay but I know that we will get there. I’m trying to get there and that, I think, is the most important. We’ve talked already; nakapag-usap na kami. Same with Marjorie. We agreed that after we talked, we just have to live apart from each other...we have to grow on our own. In time, when we are all ready, I think things will be all right."

Did you watch the TV coverage of Claudine’s wedding?

"No. I’m not in the habit of torturing myself. I love myself too much to torture myself."

Tell me, were you invited to the wedding or not?

"Yes, I was."

Why didn’t you go?

"To avoid, well, you know...Alam mo, people seem to want us to fight. Aren’t they contented with what they have seen and heard two years ago? We’re not fighting anymore but we’re not totally healed. That’s the truth. I didn’t go to the wedding for many reasons. That was a happy occasion. You know, I didn’t feel that I had to be part of something happy. As a sister, I have proven to Claudine my love and my support for her many times in her life. What’s important is that naging kapatid ako sa kanya in her trying moments, not in her happy times. True love is tested when you are with a person when she’s down, when she’s in her most painful and trying moments, and not when she’s up, when she’s happy."

I know what you mean.

"I don’t think nagkulang ako kay Claudine dahil wala ako doon sa masayang araw niya. What’s important is that when she needed me most, I was there for her... I was there beside her and behind her."

Have you forgiven her for... whatever?

"You know, I can make myself look good to the public, pretend and say, ‘Yes, I’ve forgiven them; oo, pinatawad ko na sila.’ But that wouldn’t be me. The truth is that I’m only in the process of forgiving. As I’ve said, I’m getting there; I hope we are getting there."

What about your own wedding? It’s long overdue. When will it happen, if it ever will?

"Only God knows! Another lesson: There are certain things in life that shouldn’t be forced; may mga bagay sa buhay na hindi pinipilit. The truth is that Tony’s marriage (To Denise Yabut. – RFL) hasn’t been annulled. You know, true love is not selfish. When I entered this relationship with Tony, I was 23 and he was 19 years older than I was. I knew that he was separated but his marriage was not annulled. Honestly, I never thought that we were going to last this long."

This long is how long?

"Twelve years. I thought that after giving birth, wala na kami. But look, we are still together."

You do have everything except, well, the marriage.

"You know, many times I would cry over that wedding. I think I deserve it. But I can wait. You see, Tony has sacrificed so much for me, for the love of me... and I don’t even know why. So, do I have anything to complain about? Do I have to say, ‘Hey, I want that wedding?’ Tony has more than proven his love for me so many times and that is for the whole Philippines to know. So I told myself, ‘I’m not gonna pester him about marrying me; I’m not gonna pester him to get an annulment. If we are meant for each other, it will come. Going through an annulment is very painful. I love Tony so much that I won’t make him go through that anymore. That annulment has to be given to him."

But you also made a lot of sacrifices for him.

"Oh yes, I did. Sabi ko nga, ‘Oh my gosh, mature na ako!’ You know what, what Tony and I have is what you can call a marriage; what we don’t have is a wedding. But I still want a wedding. I still want to wear that gown. Ang ganda-ganda ko siguro in that gown!"

Aside from that wedding, you seem to have everything. What else do you want?

"That question irks me a lot. People always ask me... favorite question ko ito: Ano pa ba ang gusto ng isang Gretchen Barretto? It’s not true that I have everything. Nobody in this world is perfect; nobody in this world has everything."

What kind of wedding do you want?

"Just a small wedding, with only the people who can be truly happy for me."

Out of the country?

"No. I don’t even think that far. All I wish for now is for God to give Tony a long, long life."

Speaking of sacrifices, one of the things that you sacrificed was your showbiz career. Isn’t it time you made a comeback?

"It’s about time."

It’s sad that the movie that would have teamed you up again with Sen. Bong Revilla (after their first starrer together, Seiko Films’ Akin ang Katarungan) has been scrapped all because of an alleged text message Bong’s wife Lani Mercado sent to her six friends just when shooting had been scheduled to start (on Aug. 8) and you had gotten Tonyboy’s consent. (Lani’s text message, sent as some kind of a "survey," reportedly read: Kung ikaw si Lani, ipagkakatiwala mo ba ang asawa mong si Sen. Bong Revilla kay Gretchen na gumawa ng pelikula? One of Lani’s six friends showed Gretchen the text message, prompting Gretchen to back out of the project. Gretchen and Bong were once romantically linked to each other and that was before Tonyboy came into Gretchen’s life.)

"The movie would have been a comedy, entitled Pusong Pusoy, to be produced by Imus Productions (Owned by the Revilla Family. – RFL), and it would have also starred Ai-Ai delas Alas and Eugene Domingo, with Wenn Deramas as director. I would have played the mother of Inah, the (real-life) daughter of Bong and Lani, who is my goddaughter. Could you imagine how uncomfortable the girl (Inah) would be playing daughter to me with the thought at the back of her mind that her mom might not be happy with the project?"

Any regrets over the abortive project?

"None. You know, I don’t want to make a comeback movie with the thought that I’m stepping on somebody’s toes. I don’t want to hurt Lani who is such a good person... who is such a good wife and a good mother who has raised her family well. I can say that I could never even be one-tenth of what Lani is. I respect her so much. When Tony learned about the text message, he took back his consent. He told me that if it would hurt Lani, it’s better for me to quit the project, so I did." (The latest word has it Bong, after failing to appease Gretchen, offered the role to Kris Aquino who politely turned it down because she promised her husband, James Yap, that she would fulfill only her remaining movie commitments with Regal Films and Star Cinema, producer of her latest movie with Claudine Barretto, the Chito Roño-directed suspense-thriller Sukob, before they get married early next year, after which Kris will quit the movies and continue doing only television. – RFL)

You and Tonyboy seem to be inseparable.

"I don’t want to admit it that I may appear magulo or pa-mature-mature but, I’ll tell you a secret: I can’t sleep without Tony. One time, Tony went to Singapore to have his throat treated and I couldn’t sleep. Even if he has a meeting, let’s say nandyan lang siya sa sala, hindi ako makatulog. I am still a baby inside. Dominique usually sleeps between Tony and me."

Oh, is that so? What if you and Tony need, you know, some "privacy"?

"I’m glad we have a big house with many rooms. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

You look at peace with yourself. Are you really happy?

"Yes, I am. If I have some emotional burden, it’s not as heavy as it used to be. There’s very little anger in me now, very little. I just turned 36 and I’m happy with my age. I’m not afraid of growing old because I’m learning from every mistake that I make. I’m happy with what I have become. I don’t regret anything that I’ve said or done. I know that I may still get hurt but it won’t be as bad as before. If I do, I’ll simply smile and say, ‘Thank you!’ I have survived a lot of storms and I’m a stronger and a better person because of them."