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POPS FERNANDEZ GUESTING AS WRITER/TV INTERVIEWER

Quezon City, Feb. 20, 2000 - (from the Philippine Star by Pops Fernandez) - Last week, the STAR printed several letters addressed to me, in response to my question: Am I ready to start over again? I would like to think that my dear readers have become friends to me. I would not want to treat you as strangers (as what some people termed the act, saying that I am laying my decision in the hands of strangers), because as far as I know, having bared before you my thoughts and my views you have become my friends.

Allow me to say a few words to some of the readers. Good luck to Prudence Go, I really wish you can find that right guy. To Gabmigs, I am not deadma, as you can see in my articles, but I would like to assure you that I am just being careful and I have learned a lot through the tough times that I have been through. To Rockie, thank you for wishing me a nice fairy tale ending. To C.B. of Atlanta, GA, thank you for your advice and the book that you asked me to read. And thank you for reading through me, are you a psychologist?

But to Ann, I would like to answer your questions. You asked, "Can confronting your ex-partner and being able to sincerely tell him that you don't love him anymore be a good gauge of realizing that you are indeed over him? Same thing as being unconcerned even if you see him with other people or hear stories about what he does in his life, yes?" Girl, I tell you that is indeed a good gauge, but being able to do that will not only mean you have gotten over him, but will also show your strength and character and your willingness to move on. Though some people would want to stay clear off their ex's, there are some people who can not move on, unless they have poured out the things that have burdened their hearts. I wish you luck! It was a difficult thing for me but I guess, I won't tell you to do so if I have not.

Lessons from a misunderstood Kris Aquino

Last Sunday, I was a guest on The Buzz as I interviewed Kris Aquino on the day before her birthday. I would like to say that it was one of the most unforgettable interviews that I have ever done, (in my limited moments as an interviewer). I was not only able to bring out the heart of one misunderstood girl: I was able able to get in touch with a lot of feelings.

A lot of people called me after the interview and told me how much they felt for the two of us, at some point, tears welling in my eyes. I would like to assure everyone that the tears were there because I felt the sincerity of the words of Kris as she poured out her feelings and because there were several lessons to be learned from her experiences which I hope will be mirrored in my own story.

She was a picture of a woman, though scarred by hurting experiences, which mirrored strength and maturity. Just to realize one's mistake is a very humbling thing to do and I must say, that what she showed the Philippine television audience is something which a lot of women who are committing the same mistake should learn. Just admitting that you are wrong and saying that you are sorry can never be enough. But Kris showed us that there are a lot of reasons for her to move on. She admitted that she was wrong, was sorry for it and is now correcting her mistake.

A million times that one will hear sorry will never be enough, but to show the sincerity of the apology by correcting the mistake is one thing that I admire Kris for. Admitting that she was selfish and that she deprived a family of a father that they also love is one thing that no ordinary woman can do. And Kris did it with flying colors and I must say, that we should learn that the misunderstood woman that Kris was, has changed and has become different.

A lot of women would have cried if they were in my shoes, hearing these statements for the very first time. Especially a woman like me, who has experienced the pain of being deprived of having a complete family. (How I would have loved to hear these same words from someone...)

When she spoke straight to the camera to talk to the children of her ex-partner Phillip, I was taken aback. When she said how sorry she was for letting her love make her blind, not realizing that she was hurting a lot of people as she thought only of herself and her love for Phillip, my heart literally broke. Yes, it is never a mistake to love, but realizing and admitting that you have hurt people along the way is a humbling experience. And how I wish a lot of women in her shoes would realize the mistake and the pain that they are causing.

It was one rare moment in television. We were there, right on your television screens, but we were mere instruments of God, as He showed us the correct path in dealing with the people we love and with the people we may hurt along the way. It was a moment when God spoke through Kris and I, as our experiences mirror the experiences of a lot of people watching us at that moment, at that hour.

It was a moment when I realized a lot of things about Kris. She may act like a child at times, but her experiences have made her a mature woman, knowing the difference between what is right and what is wrong. She may act like she owns the world, but what she went through has made her realize that she can not have all the things that she wants in her hands. She may act like the tactless host that she usually is said to be, but what I saw is a woman with a heart.

To Kris, I would like to say, thank you for sharing with me these moments of realization. I do hope that you have become firm and sure of your decisions in life. Sorry, is always easier said than done, therefore, when we say sorry we have to match it with our action. Thank you for letting me see things on the other side of the situation. And thank you for making me realize your pain, and making me a part of this moment as you showed a different Kris -- matured and selfless.

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